I finished 10 sessions of CBT with a psychologist. I went because I had a panic attack and ended up in the ER, which I found humiliating (thought I was dying!) I was referred to a psychologist. She diagnosed me with GAD, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder and Depression after two sessions. I was pretty stunned since I sincerely thought I was just an anxious person and have spent like, 25 years just thinking I was a wimp and sucking it up.

I started every session with a checklist (basic psych tests for anxiety and depression). We decided to address my panic first but the tools I learned work for worry and depression as well. Then we would go over several moments of panic or anxiety I had that week. She gave me a list of falsehoods I was using to analyze situations. I just had to be aware of them and reflect on them. It's basically learning to use rational thought to counter the perpetually burning dumpster fire of anxiety based thoughts.She suggested 5 minutes a day of meditation and breathing exercises. I did them reluctantly because I hate that stuff. I hate it still but keep doing it because why the fuck not.

Not going to lie, I found the sessions really, really difficult. I felt dumb and vulnerable and miserable talking about my stupid reactions to stuff, like I was a weak and pitiful person, and I would feel depressed for about 24 hours afterwards, but I kept going, and I felt good that I kept it up even through it made me sad. We stayed completely in the current week and she did not want me looking backwards into my past besides a brief family history.

Personally, the best things I learned were: I am a logical person when it comes to most things but I am illogical when it comes to my own judgement about myself and my actions; I dwell on the past which is a useless thing to do and only distorts those "memories" into nightmarish proportions; and most importantly, I can tell when the anxiety is starting now because we analyzed the patterns. I used to feel like it came out of nowhere, now I can feel it days before and manage it from there. I would say I came out of it with about 50% eased symptoms and if I keep doing the work I think I can definitely manage this stupid anxiety death spiral better. Also, I was sick and didn't want to acknowledge it but I don't feel shame about it anymore.

I try not to mentally take a dump on myself constantly anymore, or lie in bed at night thinking of every embarrassing or terrible thing I have ever done. It still feels natural to dwell on these things and I have to actively try and stop it. I listen to audiobooks and it helps distract me.

Anyway, I feel good for doing something about my anxiety instead of just existing in it, but it was hard and exhausting and I'm glad I'm done. I would recommend it as a starting place for sure.