I was a really sensitive and anxious child. my nan tells me she would drop me at preschool and I would just stand there frozen and unresponsive with wide eyes. I would cry over everything, I could be completely fine and someone would ask me if I was okay and I would just burst into tears despite being happy just seconds before. I would isolate myself everyday from other kids and just talk to myself, usually about how alone I am and how everyone hates me. I would assume people hated me and want nothing to do with me, to cope I grew a hate for everyone in my class despite not really knowing them. other times I would feel superior to everyone, I would look down on them as if they were pathetic and I wouldn't waste my time giving them the time of day. I would hate myself and tell myself horrible things when I was alone, I always felt different and I always was different from my peers. I would do horrible things in the spur of the moment to even my friends, I wouldn't know why I did them but as soon as it was over and I had realised the damage I had caused I would break down in a fit of self hate and guilt, I would be in so much emotional pain that I felt it physically for weeks, even years sometimes coming and going. my illness only got worse, by the time I had started high school, I started gaining serious FPs and becoming emotionally manipulative, obsessive, depressed and anxious as all hell. It was always 'im not pretty enough' or 'im not neurotypical enough', it was at the point that I didn't even have to know my FP personally and they could ruin my life, I was in quite severe psychological distress and it was all their fault. always. I grew angry everyday, I would watch them live their life and I hated them for it, secretly I hated myself the worst for thinking they would ever care. it became so subconscious that I automatically knew where they were or what they were doing and their timetable without even trying and I would hate myself for knowing these things but I couldn't help it. I even had to transfer schools in my senior year because it was completely out of control, it was after then when it continued to worsen I saw a psychiatrist and I was informed I had BPD.