I figure eating makes me happy. It's like time to myself when I can't possibly be sad, I'm preoccupied with something enjoyable and easy to do. So I prolong it by eating and eating and eating. The funny thing is that when I inevitably have to stop, I now have more problems. The original problem that I couldn't handle and was trying to ignore plus the consequences of binging. I think on some level I also do it because I know that tomorrow I'll have to fast, so tomorrow becomes this elusive time when I start fresh and I never fuck anything up again. So binging to make myself fast so I can wash away all my problems, including the one I'm trying to ignore by binging. The timeline goes like this: an eating disorder to begin with, fucking up something, not being able to handle it or address it, binge so I don't have to think about it, fast and start fresh tomorrow. Voila, I never let myself confront and address my fuck up. Lmao this is just what me and my therapist have come to realize though.