You know what really woke me up? I was looking at schools for my kids and thinking of moving into one with really good scores. I was told not to go there because it was majority later generation white immigrants (different white people). It seemed insane, a white person told not to go to a district because other white people immigrated from a different country? But the friend warned me "Yeah, you'll be friends, but you'll still be an outsider. You can help out on the PTA, but as an outsider. Your kid will be invited to everyone's house, but he won't be able to date anybody elses daughters. You'll be accepted, but your culture and background is a novelty. You'll be a novelty."
And for the first time I felt why I didn't want to be a minority. Not because of people's intolerance, but because I don't want my kid's psychology screwed up because he's good enough to be a friend but not good enough to date? To constantly deal with the hassle of being accepted, but not really being included? To deal with the day to day annoyance of being invited to special parties, but not part of day-to-day casual conversations? How do you even bridge it? And do I want my kid being the test-subject to force inclusion in a group that wasn't going to go to a hell of a lot of effort to change? Why should I have to be the one to force these people to go to the effort of including me in a not-weird way?
And yet, it was very easy for me to avoid the issue, there were plenty of other options to choose from. Because there are plenty of white majority schools where my kid can date whoever he wants. But it was a moment where I finally realized the true problems in the "integrated" high school I grew up in. And looking around where I am now, very liberal, very progressive I know for a fact there are few schools I would think were emotionally healthy if I were black.
There's always people who are cool and normal, but having to wade daily through bullshit must be exhausting. And people just don't see it. They really don't.
I find the whole line of conversation from the top ironic. I am rarely subjected to overt white guilt. But for those here who posted about the cruelty of when they are every-once-in-a-while subjected to it, they really seem to think "Oh god, this is so annoying and exhausting, why do I have to deal with this lame conversation." If that's a true feeling, which it seems to be, then why can't they imagine the reverse-situation. If they believe stereo-typing and unfair historical views are placed on themselves, then why don't they notice how that's true on the opposite side.... but much more pervasive and obvious since MY GOD WE HAD SEPARATE DRINKING FOUNTAINS and our parents generation WAS ALIVE TO EXPERIENCE IT.
"But I personally didn't have anything to do with that, so why should I be FORCED TO FEEL uncomfortable?" The question itself shows a startling lack of awareness in my opinion.