Getting used to anything new or dealing with things that disrupt my "plans" is incredibly difficult. Suddenly have to go outdoors to buy something that broke down unexpectedly? It'll bother me until it's over with and the only relief is not having to deal with the stress anymore. There's no real satisfaction, only anxiety.

Internships are mandatory to follow in my country and a week of no sleep, continuous stress that feels like a rock in my stomache combined with stress eating and diarrhea no doubt caused by the fun combination of the formers made me realize how hard it would be to adapt to a workplace to try and become a 'normal' functioning person.

Everything feels hostile when I'm not in my comfort zone. Every chair feels like I need permission to sit in it and every bit of work I do feels like it needs validation by the person who told me to do it. No task feels self-explanatory unless I was given very specific instructions that somehow fit my way of thinking. Basically I'm a nuisance to the workplace or at the very least I believe so. Everyone will tell me I'm doing really well, or that I'm really smart and making good progress but even if someone tells me straight up I don't know what to believe in except for my own insecurities.

If I had to describe it Imagine it being really cold outside. You're at home which is warm, which is great. But the moment you go out it's going to be cold all the way. That's what it is to me. The moment I leave my house or anywhere I trust I am just permanently cold. And it can take a full season for the cold to pass, like winter I suppose. Unfortunately most places I go to don't give me a season to have it become warmer.

Now replace the cold with anxiety and warmth with comfort