Just because they have children does not automatically mean that there is abuse going on.

If you believe that women are just sexual objects for men to use, that's going to bleed into your day to day behavior whether you like it or not. If there are female children, there will be covert incest or abuse on the part of the father, even if he never puts his hands on them. Covert incest is pretty common even in vanilla relationships father/daughter dances and date nights are a part of American culture. You're just adding even more potential for abuse on top of an already bad situation.

It's harder to be abusive when you have to go around paying lips service to the ideals of BDSM.

...why? O_o Vanilla men have to pay lip service to the ideals of traditional society and gender roles (actual conservative traditions, not the kind you guys beat off to) and there are abusers in vanilla relationships. The difference is that vanilla relationships don't glorify male violence to the same extent BDSM relationships do. So you have two people who are both giving lip service, but one belongs to a community where misogynistic ideas are literally fetishized.

Those are two quite different things and I see neither of them well-represented here.

They both advocate for the use of BDSM to enforce quote unquote "traditional" gender roles. I see them posted here quite a lot.

We're here because we want fantasy to become reality.

Yeah...and those fantasies are often detrimental to children. If you believe that all women are sexual objects you should not be allowed to procreate, especially if you want to give birth to female children. A mother who believes that all women are sexual objects is primed to abuse her daughter by proxy.