With regard to your post, I think you need to keep an eye on boundaries. You will never know everything about another person, it just does not happen.

I respect the sentiment entirely but there are many who know everything about me. You know how you get those askreddit posts asking what are the secrets you don't tell anybody? I don't have those. I constantly blog for friends perusal about how I am feeling and talk about larger, global matters. I can't think of a single thing he doesn't know about me. Things he doesn't understand, yes, but not things he hasn't been told.

Even in a relationship both parties need a certain level of privacy. One of the biggest - but also most often made - mistakes by people that come from a family where love and acceptance were withheld is that those victims will try to create relationships where both partners serve as a single mind. That can't work.

Again, totally understand. I have to say, there are many areas I don't need or care to know about. I don't want every single detail about every thought or how he feels about other women (we're poly) or how he gets on with this friend, or what his relationship was like with that ex who is now a mutual friend, or what he talks about with his pals, or where he's going when he goes out.

I could go on but it would get boring.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood your point.

Relationships only work if both involved are allowed their own thoughts and quirks. Where people are allowed to be their own person without having to bear their very soul to their partner. Not doing this results in either an unhealthy relationship or a break-up.

Which leads me to believe a break up is how I should proceed. Thoughts and quirks are fine but this point about a core aspect of relationships to me won't change and he won't change and neither of us should have to.

I'm not sure when to do it. Maybe right away is best. Or maybe I should try to engage in a relationship which is not at its core what I'm looking for. Giving something a try has merits but sometimes you have to know when to rip off the bandage. It's hard for me to tell because I'm obsessive and impulsive. Plus major abandonment issues so trying to break up is almost impossible unless I've been truly hurt.

The TL;DR is that you don't need to know.

Need is surely a requirement from a strong, inherent desire on a person's part in this case and in which case, I need it for the relationship to continue but don't need it if we break up.

You need to trust your partner's judgement of whether or not it's something they think you need to know or something they might need help with.

I don't. Partly because it took so long to get him to agree to therapy and that even now he hasn't gone to the GP's to get on the 6 month waiting list. There have been a few times he's promised me and my flatmate but then didn't, saying he didn't recall saying he would.

But as soon as you start trying to push people to change, try to think for them, try to diagnose them, it's time to move on.

I'm not trying to push him and people are diagnosing others left, right, and centre in here, even in full contact. :p

Not trying to be annoying, I promise.

I don't want him to change. I want him to understand why it's an issue for me and, if after that it remains the same, I will move on.