I have no patience for stupid, do not confuse that with kindness. Yes, I am so chronically online I’ve only had a Reddit account a month and I barely have a social media presence in general.

You want advice, here it is. You are insecure and instead of dealing with that you tell your boyfriend to stay away. Then, you say oh never mind now I’m comfortable please do it because I will enjoy it, only to find out he thinks it is gross. So at this point you finally feel safe and are being rejected by him.

At no point up to now did a healthy and honest dialogue happen about what you both enjoy and making sure you were compatible sexually. At no point did you communicate along this journey to make sure you were both in sync. The lack of self awareness shown by both of you tells me you both need to grow up and have some mature conversations/make mature decisions about your needs and wants in this relationship. Instead you come to this idiotic agreement that is guaranteed to backfire at some point because it isn’t actually what either of you want, it is a situation being forced by a lack of communication.