Being promiscuous is like alcohol or drugs in that it is a temporary escape from negative emotions. Personally, I have slept around a lot in the past 4 years because it's a way to have a temporary connection with someone, it is a distraction from my pain, and because it reinforces my pathology rather than helping me improve and heal. The reason I sleep around is because I was sexually abused as a child. Consequentially, I do it as a way of taking control of what happened to me and trying to exercise control this time around.

That being said, I absolutely HATE it. It only enhances my negative feelings. It is a temporary distraction, yes, but I feel nothing but disgust at myself after I do it. I'm just perpetuating my history. This DOES NOT help my self esteem, and quite frankly it does nothing but hurt me emotionally and limit my ability to have a real relationship. I don't know how to function outside of sex as it's the only way I can relate to someone on a neutral playing field.

I am desperately trying to avoid sleeping around anymore, for several reasons. There is absolutely no way in hell that I will ever have a healthy sexual relationship. Sex, to me (due to abuse) is nothing but one person using another. And you know what's sad? I have slept with over 40 people in the last 4 years and now I am the one using them. While it is set up as a mutual one night stand or hookup, I am still using someone else for my gratification. Do you think that makes me feel any better, as if I have more control over what happened to me? Not in the least; it means I'm a slave to the compulsion that I've allowed myself to get into. And furthermore, I am using people just like I was used. It's unhealthy and perpetuates my BPD psychology even further. It's one of the things that keeps me in this hell we call BPD.