Hey bro. I wanted to throw a few words your way. I had the same issues. Chewed a tin a day, addict with many phases of DOC’s, always seemed to get stalled out on a stim. A relentless cyclical pursuit. Multiple treatments, hospital stays, awful sleep habits. Lived off junk food for years. Ended up with some clean time and relapsed hard awhile ago and once my ex left I just lost my mind. A few months of being in the gutter and I knew it was now or literally never. Got some bloods. My test was literally 220 as well. The month after I was prescribed test and I realized just how... ill I had been for so long. How little motivation, savvy, and umph I really had. No wonder I kept taking the easy path.
Trt was the beginning. It took me in to a new frame of mind where I wanted to work for goals. I wasn’t going to take anymore L’s or let my family suffer any longer. A decade of yo-yoing was the max my soul could take, and the thought of sitting in self pity longer than an hour began to just... infuriate me.
Got on a real simple diet, and lord let me tell you it was not easy. Eventually you stop craving the shit. Started drinking water constantly instead of pop. Got a job, and just kept lifting. I haven’t stopped. I am in a different life now, I look completely different. Treated different based on how I look, even, which I am not used to.
Take that list of vices and reasons for feeling low and try to jam it into the flames beneath your ass. Just try, and if you fail, try again and again and again and again. Never stop moving. For guys like us... we don’t get to have idle time. It is just the way of the beast. Sitting around and recovering is different, but flat out idle hands will take you down. You will find a way out I know it.
I spent all of my twenties thinking I was doomed. Not anymore. Not even close. And to tell you the truth I am fucking pissed. I know you are too. All that time. Don’t let it weigh you, let it propel you. You won’t stay overweight, feeling stuck, or eating badly. Once you get a few nice bits of growth it will stimulate a new part of you and you will find your new addiction. Healthy or not - that is what I did. And I am stone cold sober. I transfered my go-get-it junkie abilities into sculpting myself and my outlook. A new relentless pursuit.
Anyone can just say,”It is easy- just do this”. I will be the first to say there is no right answer for you, but there is a right way. As long as you clutch to a goal here you will find your way eventually. I am doing the same damn thing.
Chin up my brother.