I think that past about age 35-40, the majority of single people on the market have major attachment issues. Many of us have worked through them, or are in the process of working through them (as it sounds like you are in therapy). The fact that you keep getting matched up with crazy people who aren't capable of a healthy relationship isn't because you're doing anything wrong. It's the dating pool.

The fact that you keep trying with these people is the bigger issue you need to work through. Probably at least 70% of the people you're going to match with will be somewhere on the spectrum of not looking for a relationship or not capable of the kind of relationship you want. So you've gotta weed those people out more quickly. It means a lot fewer second and third dates. It means a lot less sex. But it also means a lot less drama and pain.

Make sure you're communicating as skillfully as possible in early dating. That way, you have no doubt that she's simply not a good fit (for whatever reason) and that it's not your lack of communication that's jamming things up. If you're communicating effectively and still getting mixed signals, hot/cold, push/pull then you know she's not the right person to ask out on another date.