3. Dear art teachers, please don't ask your young students to paint "candlelight".....

Dear art teachers, please don't ask your young students to paint "candlelight"...

You're comment reminds me of one of the funniest conversations I've ever had online.

So I was 'dating' this girl online, we were both 18. We've had been talking for around eight months or so and to us it was this serious relationship. Anyways, one day we decide to web-cam masturbate with each other. Because we were horny, separated by half of the US, and we were really horny.

Things start up and I notice her finger is—well—not in the hole it should be and I go, "Um—your fingers in your, um, pee hole. Not the uh, sex hole."

Not verbatim, I honestly don't remember what I said but that was close enough. She pulls her finger out and asks what I mean.

Suddenly I'm giving an impromptu biology lesson to a girl back east where I explain that the hole she's been frigging to get off has been her urethra. She got really embarrassed and we ended up not finishing through webcam but through just text on an MMO.

We later broke up when her family was coming to the West Coast for family vacation and I got real cold feet not wanting to meet her in person. Seriously.

ps : I know someone's going to say, "how could you tell it wasn't her vagina huh? this is bullshit story"

She basically had the webcam right on her vag. Like. Inches from it. She shoved that shit right next to it, while I was basically just sitting in my computer chair showing off my 240lbs+ of obesity.

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