It started with ex behaving like a huge jerk on the rare occasions I didn't feel like having sex, or maybe just not in the way they wanted it, or was too drunk to consent. We'd talk it out, they'd try but then get bored of compromising, and go back to pushing my boundaries to the point where I'd get assault flashbacks, and so ad infinitum. Ex decided they shouldn't have to meet my needs, and that I was probably asexual (lol). I developed massive anxiety about sex. Ex would repeat how it's unfair to have a monopoly on sex and not provide it, and that a lot of people just have sex with their partners to make them happy, they don't even really have to be into it. I tried it, it made me want to kill myself. Ex decided the only thing left to do was to take sex off the table.

Around the same time, ex decided they didn't respect a bunch of other things about me. My career choice, that I preferred to take public transit, that I didn't drive (never needed to), that I didn't like being catcalled in my neighborhood or living right next to the freeway, other tiny differences of opinion that warranted a general attitude of contempt/ridicule. I'd tell them how I felt about something, and they'd tell me I actually felt something different. They'd laugh at my aspirations, like in a jovial way but also because my aspirations were genuinely ridiculous to them. We agreed on a timeline to move out of the neighborhood, and then at the last minute ex decided we shouldn't have to move. They'd come home late and then glue themselves to screens, and then blame our lack of adventure on my regular visits to see my sick/frail parents.

Ex got bored of not having sex again, but by that point I had lost trust and autonomy, and didn't really feel like we were connecting intimately. I grew depressed. Ex told me being happy is a choice. After months of making it clear how unhappy I was in our neighborhood and ex unilaterally going back on our agreement to move, I still moved out. Ex decided there was nothing left to keep working on.

I had never been with someone so sexually entitled. It all sounds awful, and often it was, but I don't think any of it was done with malice. They didn't understand why I didn't feel the way they did about things, assumed they knew better, and decided I was not to be listened to. It's going to be a while before I feel like dating again, I think.