There wasn't even much yelling or open fighting in my house. Almost everything was super quiet toxic shame and passive aggression. And a big part of the reason it has fucked me up so badly for so long was that I didn't understand why I felt like and acted like someone who grew up in an abusive household. I just thought I was lazy, or wanting attention (both things I was accused of when I struggled as a child). Learning about the importance of knowing that your belonging in the family unit is secure as a child, and about what emotional abuse/neglect does to us--how it deprives us of that feeling of safety, is what finally got me to stop beating myself up for being such a wreck when I had a "good" childhood. I constantly had to perform for my nDad to feel like I had a place in the family at all, eMom was in a competing camp with my sister, and even without physical or even a lot of overt verbal abuse I am still unraveling the consequences in my relationships decades later.