so I am in a weird spot because the abusive situation I am going to talk about was not with my own mother (who does have some of the traits discussed here, but not the most important ones) but an older woman who kind of assumed the role of my mother while I was living in her house. I post here because the dynamics described by other people here are closer to what I experienced than what is talked about on the other abuse subreddit which is mostly about partners.

she totally did think she knew what I was like and what the people close to me were like, and sometimes the guesses were hilariously wrong. she suggested my dad date her sister, saying he needed to have some fun (my parents have been separated for over 10 years) ... I didn't outright say 'hell no', though I thought it; I just told her he had seen a few women but had told me he wasn't very interested in romance. she asked me if me and my sister were maybe not 'letting him go'. my younger sister had been urging him to find a girlfriend for years after the separation. I might have been mad about my dad dating when I was like 12, but I haven't cared either way since then and any time after that when he talked about potentially seeing a woman I've always been supportive. I believe him when he tells me what he wants, and in any case he would never deny himself a social life just because somebody told him he shouldn't have one.

oh yeah and once when I remarked that her boyfriend (same name as my dad) had a superficial resemblance to my father she was like ... 'are you saying you want me to date your dad?'

it really bothered me that this person was trying to figure out what the weird dynamics were between me and the closest members of my family. all kinds of other shit too that fits this pattern, but this is what I remember in particular, because it was just silly.