And Republicans in Congress or the White House since Reagan have been different somehow? Democrats will take from your wallet too but I think their big-governmentness in my social life is drastically smaller than those of Republicans.
How have they been different? I won't pretend that budget deficits aren't a bipartisan problem but...Well, 1981 Reagan massively cut taxes in a monumental tax reform bill. And then in 1990, HW Bush came to a responsible compromise with the Democratically controlled Congress during the recession, and slightly raised taxes. This broke his famous "No New Taxes" line, and lost him the election to Bill Clinton.
Then Gingrich in 1994 led the GOP's "Contract with America", which led them to bring Clinton to a deal that balanced the budget....until W came along. He tried to cut entitlements in 2005, but the nation revolted against him, and because of that, and the Iraq war, among other things, they lost Congress in 2006.
In terms of social life- it was only recently that Democrats supported immigration reform. In the 80's, both Bush the First and Reagan called for opening the border and providing amnesty to illegal immigrants already here. In the 90's, Clinton made tightening border controls a part of his State of the Union. Bush the Second tried to pass comprehensive immigration reform, but as you might recall, the populist-left killed it. In 2006, there was bipartisan support for a border fence.
To elaborate on what I was failing to clearly say on Democratic social illiberality- have you ever looked at how they talk about conservatives or people who make up the Republican Party? They're always backward, hicks, extremists, morons, etc. They care about diversity, but the moment that includes people they don't understand, people who are unlike them, who don't share their values (i.e. conservatives)- there is no value to having them. There is no value in diversity, or understanding. Look at the disdain they have from Trump voters. They're "deplorable" and "irredeemable".
I don't think Democrats have a genuinely held belief of diversity and liberal thought. They want thought that looks like theirs. Of a party that's purpose was always to represent working people, to be the populist party, and to help the poor and marginalized- they've abandoned even the facade. Union households were the core of the Democratic Party. They went for Trump. The core of the FDR coalition is gone. Just think about how these sorts of people are portrayed in the media.
Just like, to me, there is no point to the GOP if it isn't championing freedom, free-trade, free-markets etc (and I'm upset that they're not), there is no point to a Democratic Party that doesn't stand for working families.
As an agnostic person myself, I think they're militantly secularist. They actively dislike religious people. They've painted DeVos as a religious ideologue because her faith instructed her to try to improve the world. They think employers-even those with deeply held religious beliefs- should be compelled to provide and pay for contraceptives, abortifacients, or other medicine or medical procedures that violate those beliefs. They've tried to regulate even what churches provide to nuns.
For a group that claims abortion as a right, and that government needs to stay out of their uterus- they're awfully fast to say that abortion should also be provided by Medicaid, lest you declare a War on Women or a War on the Poor.
Just a few years ago, gay marriage wasn't accepted by the Democratic Party, but now if you don't approve of it, you're a bigot. I don't think we should be in the business of marriage at all. And they now like listing off a litany of nouns for how a person they disagree with is just immoral- they will claim all at once- you are racist, sexist, xenophobic, islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic, anti-semitic, ablist, classist, heterosexist, heterosexist cis-sexist fascist mentalist and it goes on and on.
They are not making an argument over a grand vision of equality and justice- they are playing a game of identity, who can gather up the most labels of privilege, and how can they insult and delegitimize their opponents so that there can be no discussion.
This is no philosophy of 'live and let live' however you wish- it's about enforcing their particular cultural values, and people who live by more 'conservative' or 'traditional' values will be demonized and legislated against.
I don't know why I just went rant/rambling for that long. Sorry.