I don't know how much longer I can try to change

I'm not sure if you are there yet, but you may be entering a codependent relationship with this girl. Maybe both of you kinda are. It's hard to draw the line between codependent manipulation and love/care/friendship.

This is what I'm struggling with. I'm not sure how far too far is in this case. I mean, we're both in therapy. We're both actively helping each other with our problems. But I really don't want to foster a codependent relationship. With what she struggles with, that would end in disaster.

And don't worry: she adores the person she's with, and has made it pretty clear that even if she was single she wouldn't go near me romantically. And honestly, now that I'm in a calmer frame of mind, I'm not sure if I'd want that either. I'm not going to be poking her baby box any time this decade.

I just got back from my therapy session. They shared the same thoughts as you: as things stand right now, this is a bit of a dangerous predicament. Since this change of view is so recent for me, and since I'm still unsure whether or not my motivations are genuine or manipulative, we should limit contact a bit until I can start to be less unsure of my own actions. That's going to be hard, but they're going to sit us both down this week and I'm going to tell her what the plan is.

I let her read this post, or at least the crosspost I made on /r/offmychest. She obviously freaked out, and I tried to reassure her. Eventually she calmed down enough to tell me more about herself, that she had been the victim of manipulation before, as well as some other things she's experienced. I don't want to lose her, but I tried not to beg and tried to influence her as little as possible when we were discussing this. I told her I cared about her more than I have anyone in a long, long time, but she's been through this before and if she needed time to think, or if she wanted to stop talking to me, I would completely understand. I wouldn't push it. I wouldn't try to 'get her back'.

She told me, basically, that she was willing to risk trusting me. It was a huge relief. It's a chance I don't deserve, but I can't be more grateful for.

Thanks for your response and your advice. I'm not going to run away from this, but this can easily swing into a codependent or even self-destructive relationship overnight. So putting some more space until I have my head on a little straighter is the best move to make here.

/r/AvPD Thread