I recently ended a relationship because (among other reasons) I was bored with sex and didn't want it. I still get myself off and get turned on by the idea of sex, but I don't want it within a relationship right now. I kind of am interested in casual sex right now (probably not going to seek it out because I don't have the time currently) but more for the sake of like, the thrill and excitement of experiencing something/someone new- the thrill of the chase- not really the physical sex itself. But even that's not as appealing as it's sometimes been for me.

It's weird, the loss of most of my sexual desire is something that has happened on and off with me a few times and I don't know if it's that I get super overwhelmed with other things (graduating, finding a job, thesis), frustrated at feeling like I have to be a certain way and look a certain way (I know there must be some kind of internal problem with me not "accepting myself" or some bullshit, but I don't really want to figure it out, especially because it isn't always present, and more rears its ugly head when I'm frustrated with things otherwise), or with me just getting fed up or disappointed with the way my relationship is going.

Bleh. It all makes me think that if I'm ever to have a truly long long-term relationship, it will have to be pretty different than the relationships I have experienced so far. I am always the one to break things off after either a month or two or after about 6-8 months. So I'm hoping that when I find someone I think is worth it, I will both feel more comfortable and be willing to learn what it is to work to keep a sexual spark going.