Explain how to pick up a girl like you're Clippy, the MS Office 1997 assistant - and as usual, you're suggesting things I don't actually want to do

It looks like you're trying to get with this chick, is that correct?

Great! First, let me import a template from /r/theredpill

Let's start by negging, or giving her a backhanded compliment in order to undermine her confidence. Pretend to notice some cat hair or lint on her dress, to let her know you're checking her out but that she isn't as great looking as she thought!

Now that you've established your dominance, we should buy her a drink. This will help you begin the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

You've Demonstrated value by providing her with a drink. Now take the opportunity to Engage her physically in a way that borders on inappropriate but wouldn't be enough to cause her to say anything. May I suggest pretending that the bar area is packed and pushing your torso up against hers? Great!

Now you should Nurture dependence, perhaps by having a female friend threaten her so that you can swoop in for the rescue. You're doing great!

Do you need help Neglecting emotionally? The trick here is to keep orchestrating events where she is emotionally abused, but over time stop coming to comfort her. She should enter a state of emotional distress.

Perfect! All you need to do now is Instill hope, perhaps by showing up after an extended absence and professing that you've been secretly yearning for her this whole time and you want to experience true love. TIP: Don't actually experience true love here.

Finally, after sex you'll want to Separate entirely.

It looks like you're all set here. If you need help with a long-term relationships, just remember to file your taxes jointly, keep all accounts separate, don't let her know your secrets, and whatever you do don't try to share an intimate piece of yourself in order to transcend separateness and experience true love! Remember that you're ALPHA, women are not real people but rather objects designed to hurt you, and at all costs avoid friendship.

/r/explainlikeIAmA Thread