I have a great-grandfather, grandfather, two uncles, and a smattering of cousins who are all famous...well, in our hometown, that is. Sad thing is, they are all famous for being complete and total wastes of skin. They are (or were in great-grandfather's and grandfather's case) complete shitheads. They steal from anyone who turns their back long enough, sleep with so many men's wives (which means a lot of kids in our town with questionable parentage), and are even suspected of a couple arson cases from decades ago.

It got so bad that once, about twenty years ago, I had a gun pulled on me (held down and not pointed at me...like the man was preparing for the eventuality that I would attack him) when someone learned what my last name was.

"You're a [last name]? Are you related to that piece of shit, 'Jack'?"

"Yeah...he's my father's cousin...but, I've only met him once. I don't know anything about him!"

It wasn't until I told the man who my father and grandfather were that he finally calmed down.

"So, you're 'Bill's' son? Okay...I liked Bill. He's the only decent person in that fucking family."

When I called my father later to ask why this man hated his cousin so much, all my father could say was "knowing Jack, he probably slept with the man's wife, stole from him, or jumped in a bar parking lot...maybe all three."

So, yeah, my claim to fame in my hometown is that I come from a polluted gene pool that is in desperate need of some chlorination.