Okay, no you are not a narcissist, you are an abuse survivor.

I was in a similar boat, at one point, and there was a clear moment where I realized that I didn't love my mother, and I still don't.

Link to a descriptor of that exact moment.

Do I feel guilty, sure, sometimes, but as of lately I have been feeling less and less guilty. I do recognize that my mother is trying (albeit superficially), but the thing is, my mother suddenly started treating me better when she realized that she needed me more than I needed her. That doesn't speak of love on her end, that speaks to manipulation. She needs something from me (affection, security, etc) and she is trying to get that. She isn't doing it out of love, she is doing it out of her own sense of self preservation. Furthermore, her abusive behavior and boundary issues are still there, but they have become more covert. I had to point them out to my Fiance for him to finally notice how unhealthy her behaviors still were.

Your mother, like mine, has realized that she messed up, and instead of providing a genuine apology, is trying to emotionally manipulate you into giving her what she wants. Please note, your mother hasn't apologized to you, yet she wants everything to be forgiven and for you guys to magically have a good relationship, just like that. But the thing is, after years of abuse, those wounds don't heal that easily, and it's fine. Sometimes, those wounds never heal, and that is also okay.

If you had a friend or a family member, who is not your mother or father, treat you this poorly, would you still maintain a relationship with them? Would you feel any obligation to love them? Or would you make your peace and leave?