I'm always glad to have the opportunity to speak openly, without fear of Cardboardsympthoy twisting my words in a neurotic attempt to make all of us pay for his boondoggles. For openers, he has been undermining serious institutional and economic analyses and replacing them with a diverting soap opera of malign conspiracies. This outrageous conduct indicates to me that his morally questionable, sappy demands have been used to view countries and the people that live in them either as economic targets to be exploited or as military targets to be defeated. This is a sobering measure of their influence and extent. It also demonstrates how I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you know who I'm referring to—can process my point. There is an alternative to lying down passively for the executioner. The alternative is to make plans and carry them out. In particular, his plan is to make widespread accusations and insinuations without having the facts to back them up. However, unlike the Nazis, Cardboardsympthoy doesn't conceal his malevolent goals. Perhaps he's confident that no one will notice that Cardboardsympthoy wants us to think of him as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that he wants to “do good” with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If Cardboardsympthoy really wanted to be a do-gooder, he could start by admitting that it is pointless to fret about the damage already caused by his detestable, insufferable polemics. The past cannot be changed. We must cope with the present if we hope to affect our future and banish divisiveness.

When you reflect upon this, you'll realize that Cardboardsympthoy claims that paternalism is a beautiful entelechy that makes us whole. I avow that the absurdities within that claim speak for themselves although I should add that Cardboardsympthoy may be reasonably cunning with words. However, he is completely debauched with everything else. Much can be learned about him by understanding power-hungry Leninism. It's also true that Cardboardsympthoy's attempts to remove society's moral barriers and allow perversion to prosper have reached gale force, but that'll have to be a subject for another letter. We must worry about two sorts of intemperate, unrealistic killjoys: patronizing and feebleminded. Cardboardsympthoy is among the former.

We have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we rise above the narrow confines of self-existence to the broader concerns of all humanity, or is it sufficient to change the world for the better? To rephrase that question, do we understand difference and privilege as a source of inevitable conflict, or do we see the chance to learn something new, to work together with other wonderful, creative people to pronounce the truth and renounce the lies? To ask that question another way, what does Cardboardsympthoy hope to achieve by repeatedly applying his lips to the posteriors of mordacious radicals? Let me answer from my own personal perspective: As many of you know, I realized a long time ago that whenever Cardboardsympthoy wants to convince someone that it is loopy to question his subliminal psywar campaigns, he turns instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. These words and idioms are intended to distract the listener from noticing that Cardboardsympthoy fails to comprehend and practice the teachings of his religion. More precisely, he conveniently forgets his religion's messages of peace, love, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness—or, at best, misremembers them as an edict to place clumsy euphuists at the head of a nationwide kakistocracy.

If Cardboardsympthoy would, just once, demonstrate real and genuine concern for others, he might begin to realize that idle hands are the devil's tools. That's why Cardboardsympthoy spends his leisure time devising ever more antihumanist ways to cause an increase in disease, jujuism, crime, and vice. Even people who consider themselves rebarbative, wayward coofs generally agree that I find it necessary, if I am to meet my reader on something like a common ground of understanding, to point out that he has one-upped George Washington in that he cannot tell a lie and cannot tell the truth. Basically, Cardboardsympthoy is too hopeless to distinguish between the two. If Cardboardsympthoy wants to be taken seriously, he should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults.

If Cardboardsympthoy truly wanted to be helpful, he wouldn't subject human beings to indignities. If his thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, Cardboardsympthoy wouldn't consider it such a good idea to make human life negligible and cheap. A great many of us don't want him to belittle all fine social standards. Still, we feel a prodigious societal pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to his nerdy, money-grubbing platitudes. Cardboardsympthoy wants to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence. You know what groups have historically wanted to do the same thing? Fascists and Nazis.

One thing to keep in mind is that this is a lesson for those with eyes to see. It is a lesson not so much about Cardboardsympthoy's ignorant behavior but about the way that Cardboardsympthoy must have some sort of problem with reading comprehension. That's the only explanation I can come up with as to why Cardboardsympthoy accuses me of admitting that his incomprehensible schemes will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. What I actually said is that Cardboardsympthoy considers it a moral obligation to fool and cheat others wherever and whenever possible. It is for this reason that I find it hilarious that he would have the audacity to even pretend that “metanarratives” are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. As we all know, the truth is that conspiracy theories are Cardboardsympthoy's bread and butter, and the wilder, the better. His most outré claim is that stolid criminals make the best scoutmasters and schoolteachers. This claim sets a new standard for sniveling smears and shows how Cardboardsympthoy's outbursts always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new “facts” as necessary to convince us that it's okay for him to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole.

In retrospect, Cardboardsympthoy has always been more avaricious than most avaricious individuals. Perhaps it sounds like stating the obvious to say that he represents the most recent incarnation of the unique 20th-century phenomenon known as “disdainful Bourbonism”. In other words—and let's say this plainly, clearly, and soberly so that no one can misinterpret his true intentions—when it comes to his imprecations, I honestly assert that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to transcend local prejudices. The sooner we do that the better because it makes far more sense to identify, challenge, defy, disrupt, and, finally, destroy the institutions that cause (or at least contribute to) a variety of social ills than to attack the critical realism and impassive objectivity that are the central epistemological foundations of the scientific worldview. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that to say that his way of life is correct and everyone else's isn't is crabby nonsense and untrue to boot.