MWR - So glad you are here. You are off to such a good start with two weeks! I sure get wanting to drink to numb the pain of the transition and the fear of sending your baby out into the world. And you know your "wisest self" doesn't want you to do it. I can't help be aware of the painful irony residing in doing the very thing you don't want your child to do. Been there.

My cautionary tale: I felt, after 12+ years and really getting a good life together, that surely I could have a glass of wine. My then husband encouraged me. Two weeks later, a larger amount. A month later, a drunken weekend with much drama. I did enough attempting to moderate to be convinced that the research that says the neural pathways that form with profoundly gratifying drinking, drinking excessively over time, do not go away. I did not completely ruin my life, but I'm seeing my damaged relationships, my shame, my own withdrawal from "normal" life. It has taken me a decade to decide to quit, not just manage the damage. I don't want to drink. It isn't a should. It is heartfelt. I want to maintain the health I have as long as I can. Ironically, aside from drinking about three to four bottles of wine a week (I think this is light-weight by SD standards, but far more than enough for me), I was committed to health! I want to enjoy walking, hiking, biking. I have a friend who has neuropathy (alcohol related), memory issues (alcohol related), etc. I think I could be looking in a future mirror when I talk with her. She is totally in denial. Last night I watched My Name Was Bette: The Life and Death of an Alcoholic (2011) from the SD resources. Want to know what happens to your organ systems with excessive alcohol? Here's the graphic reality. A little overdone, but essentially accurate. I couldn't watch until the end. I want this sobriety. There's an old AA slogan that comes to mind: living life on life's terms. Difficult moments come, but truly there is nothing that is improved for long by drinking. I will hold you in my thoughts and not drink with you today!