I am so sorry this happened to you. I completely know how you feel. My ex forced himself on me many times, even AFTER I told him about an assault that happened to me, which was one of the reasons I started out having problems with intimacy to begin with. I dont know if he just didnt care, didnt believe me, or was literally so absorbed in his own needs that mine never crossed his mind. When he would try to get intimate with me, I'd often push his hands away, but he wouldnt stop. One time I was brave enough to SAY no rather than just pushing him off. One morning, he got on top of me, I tried to block him and he just looked at me like he absolutely hated me. So I just...let him. Like almost every other time.... I just let him. It didnt matter if I didnt want to. The only acceptable excuse to him was my period, but even then he would want me to "help" him. Just thinking about all this makes me feel like garbage; he violated me so much, and I wish I could be as brave as you to express these things to him, but I dont know if he would even care. I've often wondered if I were to talk about it with him, maybe that could give me closure, but then I always get trapped in thinking that it's my fault because I didnt try hard enough to make him stop, because I didn't use my words enough at the time, or whatever else... anyway, I think these things happen to people more often than we realize. I certainly never thought I would experience these things. I hope you find your healing.