Ironically enough I grew up exactly the same way. Never saw any affection between or even by my parents. It wasn’t until years later that what I grew up with as “normal” to me seriously affected my lifetime relationships in a negative way. I’ve gone for the wrong type of people, and could never maintain it with good people giving me truly normal relationship type things like you’re describing. But of course when you grow up a certain way, your “normal” may not be someone else’s. Also crave affection but am terrible at it so that’s hurt my previous relationships as well.

Again, not very helpful to you, but I absolutely sympathize and maybe it helps to know that you’re not alone. It sucks because your logic is at odds with your raw instinct and emotions.