She was pretty cheerful the rest of the evening, cuddled on me a lot. No sex, but that's fine because I know she's going to need time to process everything.

What do you mean "that's fine"? You want sex. You know it and she knows it. She doesn't "need time to process everything", you've told her you want to fuck her, it's not some big scary secret you revealed.

This is just your hamster talking. You felt you made some progress and you wouldn't want to ruin it and risk rejection or some bullshit.

She was nice and cuddly and would likely have been receptive to some advances. And even if not, you know the LMR techniques, blow past it and get sex.

Bottom line is that she is not attracted to the considerate husband. She is (or perhaps rather will be) attracted to the brutish alpha who wants to fuck her and just does it without even considering that she "needs to process her emotions".

Stop clamping down your alpha. It's unattractive. You want to be in that alpha zen state where desire flows freely into intent and then action.

I went to bed worrying I had seriously fucked up the relationship, kicking myself for talking to her about it when things have been improving (slowly, but still).

I don't think it was too bad. You held frame through large parts of it and sticked to what you wanted instead of making excuses for your desires.

sometimes I wonder if she's even capable of being the sexual freak that I want.

My wife used to be so disgusted with having sex with me. Last week she walked into the bedroom in pumps, fishnet lingerie, buttplug in her ass, collar around her neck and handed me the leash.

Bring the alpha. Hold frame. Use SGM. That will get her to love sex. Most likely that's enough to bring out her inner pornstar, but if not then at that time you have a whole host of new options.

I'm probably still going to want to fuck other women

So what? Add that to the long list of things you want to do but can't: overeating, goofing around instead of working, complaining... The list goes on. What's so special about this one?

It's just that she has these hangups about sex, and I have no idea how to help her get past them.

Really, you don't?

We say it all the time: stop trying to fix your wife. She's not the problem. You are. You're not attractive enough. Once you're attractive enough that she wants you to fuck her, her issues will evaporate or she'll figure out to fix them herself.