Your life can seem like a game to be over, but somehow I see it in different way, I can see in your words how much you are honest, also how much you are in pain, the worst feelings those which make us feel not satisfied about ourselves and about our surroundings, the problems in your life won't be changed by a comment by me or by anyone else, there should be changes in the reality on the ground, changes that you can notice and feel, but the question is how? You the most person can know what can makes you feel better, what changes can happen can make you feel totally different. And hopefully someone will help you during that journey and I would be happy to be part of that journey somehow if I could.