In a career track I'm only lukewarm-ish towards, constantly feeling like I'm barely tolerated by anyone around me. I'm spoken and walked over all the time and any time I've tried standing up for myself at all in the past decade, it has been met with discomfort and steady social exclusion... so I just relegate myself to continue to be a doormat for the next decade up until I finally have mentally glazed over enough to finally jerk the steering wheel while driving to another fucking shit day at a job that makes me want to go postal.
None of the people that I sometimes socialize with really share any interests with me, and every one of them is really bad at even attempting to feign interest in my strong interests, while I'll go out of my way to try to get into the things that they're into. But guess what? When I start to show interest in their hobbies and interests, they suddenly don't fucking like that thing that much anymore and then they don't talk to me about it anymore. My partner invites me to talk about my interests, to info-dump about them because they claim that they want me to, but they always just get on their phone when I start to and they make it obvious that they're not really interested, and it makes me feel like a fucking patronized toddler. Every time I've finally found someone that shares interest in my stronger interests, they've fucking ghosted me after a couple days, and I legitimately don't know why. Maybe I come off too strongly? But I already mute myself so goddamn much because people would call me annoying all the time, but now maybe I've overcorrected and I'm just a bland uninteresting sand-flavored bread sandwich.
On top of that, I think I have some serious body dysmorphia, which is unfortunate because I've felt like a gigantic asshole anytime I've mentioned not liking the way that I look, because apparently I'm conventionally attractive, as I've been told on a couple occasions. I think if I am, it's in the way a male model for a dying retail store catalog is kind of attractive, but I have the added bonus of having several of my features fucked around with by some Snapchat filter. I've got a strong jawline, but I've got thin deflated lips. My eyes are a nice color, but their sunk into my skull pretty far. I've got nice forearms(?), but I have a skin condition on my upper arms and thighs, and my ribs are abnormally large. My hair's nicely textured, but I think it's been thinning out more and more and receding more and more, and I'm just barely halfway through my 20's, so I think in a few years time the moles on my head that can't be seen through my hair will be visible for all to see.
I don't see myself having any sort of fulfilling future, but maybe that'll change. Who knows.