idk i think our bodies might just shut down after reaching a certain threshold of emotional pain and then it just becomes a vicious circle, like why the fuck should i even try when everyone just hurts me and shits on me, and then it ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, even though it probably would've been that way anyways, you can't help but wonder if you're contributing to the shitpile.

i think a lot of times (i personally) am contributing, but your brain morphs to become the best functioning it can for your daily activities and mine probably became good at being depressed, so wtf can you do really, yknow. like i had opportunities to have sex a lot earlier than some of my friends, but i passed them up because i was an apprehensive ghosting dickwad, and now i feel like shit because i'm a virgin. so who's the real loser there, the guy who's a virgin or the dude who made himself a virgin by virtue of being a fuckface.

same with my friend group, we used to hang out a shit ton and i was the person who brought us all together, the leader of the group per se. then i stopped talking to all of them abruptly, they reached out to me more than a few times to get me to hang out with them, and i was just too fucking depressed to do anything. who's the fuckface, the depressed dude or the guy who made himself more depressed by staying the fuck away from his good friends.

ex-girlfriend, had a crush on her throughout high school, finally got the chance to date her right as hs ended. multiple opportunities for sex, passed up bc i had a backrash, cc: apprehensive dickwad. made fun of her outfits even tho she prided herself on fashion, didn't make her feel wanted or as crazy beautiful as she was and i wanted to tell her. broke up with me. reason: depression, or dickwad?

chicken or the egg, who fuckin knows, who cares, just gotta try a little harder next time