Hey, I hope you don't mind me sharing my story with you as I feel you may take comfort in the solidarity we may share. Around a year ago I was extremely depressed and pretty self destructive. Well, I met this guy who pretty much was in the same boat as me, and we ended up spending a lot of time together, and eventually I got pregnant.
Well, I knew straight away I was not in any boat to mother a child. I was drinking literally every day, doing heaps of drugs, had suicidal tendencies, and overall my behaviour was not at all healthy.
I ended up scheduling an abortion, and my one friend who was supposed to come with me bailed the day before. Where I am you need someone to come with you on the day, otherwise they will not perform the abortion. The guy who got me pregnant wasn't really an option - and to be honest, I wouldn't have wanted him to be there at that point (he knew about it). But anyway, I ended up catching up with an old workmate the day before, and I told her what was happening. She could not believe the circumstance, and she called in sick the next day, came in with me and was overall the most supportive person in my life at this point, which was so unexpected.
Anyway, being myself at that point, I ended up going out that night and getting completely slaughtered, which you are not meant to do. And this guy who I had been seeing was texting me about how he may go round to this girls house to have sex with her, which I did not want to hear about. To be honest, to this day I still don't know why he decided to tell me that. He knew that I had just had the abortion that day.
Anyway, I continued doing what I was doing for a couple months. Overall, being generally self destructive and not having a second thought about my wellbeing until I finally decided it was enough. And now a year later, I'm doing so much better - I know I made the right decision, and sometimes it still upsets me, and I wish things could have been different, but they weren't. It was for the best, and I am doing so much better, and I hope that you do aswell.
I'm sorry, I realise I have rambled on for a bit, and alot of it was off topic, but I suppose what I am trying to say is that it really gets so much easier no matter how alone you feel at the moment, and I wish you the best x