At the end of high school, me and my best friend since kindergarten were suddenly heading to universities in different directions, me north and her south. So, after seeing each other 5 days a week for 12 years, we were suddenly 9 hours apart.
She took the changes well, I didn't.
I was planning on having a year off between finishing high school and starting uni. But I got early acceptance and my parents pushed me to go because they felt as if I wouldn't go back if I had time between, so I went. I didn't want to be in a dorm room, not my scene, but my parents wanted me to experience it, so I did. To top that off, my uni started roughly a month before everybody else's, so I didn't really get to say goodbye properly like everybody else in my friendship group did.
So, I'm at uni 5 hours away from my family, and 9 hours from my best friend, and just not handling the changes, at all. I'm not much for social outings, especially when I don't know anybody, so I was pretty much alone, except for the few people from my high school who have no problem at all making friends. And on top of this, the internet that I was supposed to have in my dorm room wasn't working so I was even further isolated. I'm depressed, I'm drinking alone, I'm sleeping in until noon and missing classes.
But she is thriving, and it honestly just made me hate myself because I'm so abnormal.
Anyway, we planned a week long visit where I would go to her, and meet all her new friends, see where she was living, etc. And that only made me feel worse about myself, because honestly, I was jealous of her. Which is perhaps why I got drunk on half a bottle of straight vodka and ended up kissing the boy she was seeing.
I was the one who broke the friendship off after that. I didn't deserve her. She might have forgiven me, but I'll never forgive myself.
She still turns up in my dreams all the time, and we have the same friendship that I ended years ago. I suppose that appeases my missing her.
I missed her achingly for 3 years, but I don't think about her as much anymore.
Wow, this turned out way longer than I meant it to...