Op never stated why she made this post.
How many people actually do? Doesn't change anything.
These aren't fixes, they're just suggestions.
Tomato, tomato
it was supposed to be about how being physically ugly is tied and hindered by being mentally broken. If she is ever to overcome physical problems she also has to overcome mental problems.
Well, I'm not sure how anyone was supposed to interpret that message out of "being ugly is a state of mind". Should've said that originally. At least that's better.
I didn't say this was or wasn't the place to vent or look for support. I said there are better places to do that, and that was in the real world if that was an option for OP, you are putting words into my mouth.
Mhm. "If I wanted help from someone it's to strictly tell me what to do and help enforce that. I would want to see advice and objective means to better my situation. If you wanted a place to talk, you should be talking to a therapist, your family, or your friends. Not to strangers on the Internet who may or may not have/had similar issues."
Yes, I'm counting the stuff you crossed out before I commented. Do you think she would be resorting to /r/depression if she had a reliable person in the real world to talk to? Maybe she does and maybe she would rather talk here, who knows. It's not our place to assume. What we are supposed to do is make them feel welcome here, judgment free. She's depressed and this is /r/depression. Also, Op had the same interpretation as me, considering she said "I guess I won't post here anymore." Whatever your intentions were, your post was unwelcoming.
Who are you to judge what she needs to hear?
Please, all this irony is killing me.
And I'm not the one saying that. I literally quoted the sidebar when I said empathy, support, and feedback are more effective than advice. So if you might as well ask the mods the same question. You're the one claiming this sub is something it's not.
If she takes the advice, then it either improves her situation or nothing changes, and it's irrelevant.
Or it alienates her from this community. You know, like what actually happened. "I guess I'll stop posting here then". Yep, that's textbook alienation.
Have you had clinical depression?
Why, yes I do. Thank you for asking.
Empathy and support only effectively work from people you care about, and even then, it may not work.
I don't even think you could be more wrong. Look at the sidebar here and at /r/Suicidewatch, because they'll see the opposite. You know, the sidebar you so heavily refer to?
As for her cynical/snarky comments, it was because she initially responded to most of her comments with "Okay." Or something negative or automatically rejecting it; her responses seemingly became more grateful later.
No excuse to start criticizing her. If she didn't appreciate a certain response then that's not her fault.
Even so, this isn't me calling her cynical or snarky, I am saying that trying to be that way would be detrimental.
Oh, come on. You explicitly implied that she was being "cynical and snarky". You couldn't possibly have expected her to interpret that any other way.
My pointing this out was not tough love, it was truth and you are misquoting me.
Criticizing or insulting the Op's in any way is a form of tough love. Just because you didn't literally say "what you need is some tough love right now" doesn't mean you didn't give her some. You were deliberately harsh, and trying to disguise that as "truth" is laughable. If I had a nickel every time someone with "tough love" to give defended it with "but it was teh trooth!"...
Which if you actually read does NOT mean what to govern what she needs or doesn't need to hear, or that she even NEEDS to take advice; but if she responds in that sense then the help is rendered useless.
And here's you shifting the blame onto Op for the unhelpfulness of the advice. It's not her responsibility to change so that your responses will be helpful. It's up to you to adapt to her.
There is not tough love, just circumstantial hypothetical prediction inferred from my understanding with common knowledge of the general attitude of self-hate.
Sorry, no. Again, it's all about the implication, and the obvious implictation of your comment was that she was being cynical and snarky. You wouldn't "suggest" to her to not be cynical or snarky if you didn't already think she was. In any case, you're criticizing her attitude and responses to the "help", and that's nothing short of "tough love".
I know this because of personal experience and friends who have done the same.
My apologies, I forgot that personal anecdotes defeats everything else.
They take on an irrational attitude which defeats the purpose of this sub.
Cynical and snarky wasn't enough, I take it? OP's also being irrational? But right, no harsh criticisms here.
I don't CARE if my advice is useless to her or what she doesn't need to hear.
Obviously not. Because if you did care how it would affect her then you wouldn't have said it.
If you've even read anything then it wasn't just all advice, I was also being supportive with empathy; just because I mainly gave advice doesn't debunk my intentions.
Is that how you justify the criticisms and condescending replies? Because you were nice at different points and because your "intentions" we're well-meaning? Like a lot of what you're saying, "good intentions" is another popular defense amongst "tough love" givers. What you're intentions were are irrelevant; your post made Op feel unwelcome in this sub and that's what's important here.
Just because [advice] may be less helpful doesn't mean advice isn't against the rules.
Of course not. As long as it's only discouraged by the mods rather than outright banned, then it's okay. Whatever makes you feel better about it.
I've never tried to govern the subreddit, I am just trying to protect the Op on what I wouldn't want to hear that could be damaging to me and is against the rules of the subreddit.
For someone who talks about the rules so much, you sure like to disregard them. And when did I say you were trying to "govern" this sub? I merely pointed out rules which clearly contradict your preconceived notions about the purpose of this sub. You said /r/depression is more for advice and means to get better rather than venting and support, when the sidebar clearly states otherwise.
So I've broken no such rules, and you've put words in my mouth like a judgmental white-knight SJW with a personal agenda/vendetta.
"If anyone has criticisms about my post, please do tell me. BUT IF YOU DO THEN YOU'RE A JUDGMENTAL WHITE-KNIGHT SJW."
lol did you really just call me a "white-knight SJW? Not sure where that comes from (is it because I'm defending the Op who happens to be a girl?). From what I understand, that's a common buzzword people like you label everyone who you don't like. Do you even understand what a social justice warrior is? The fact that you resorted to calling me that is fucking hilarious. Way to defend your comments in the most childish way possible. And as much as you claim you're not breaking the rules, rule 2 specifically forbids "tough love of any kind", which, let's be clear, does include comments like "if you're going to be cynical and snarky then my help is useless".
Next time read before you post, and think about how you could potentially put down another person with depression and how that helps the other depressed person.
The cognitive dissonance is palpable. Did you honestly review everything you told Op and tell yourself, "Yep, nothing I said could possibly put Op down in any way at all."?
This is my empathy that I offer to this person NOT to you.
Is that what you call empathy? Does empathy now mean "any response at all"?
what do YOU offer by playing Internet police?
"Please let me know if you have any criticisms of my post. BUT IF YOU DO YOU'RE A JUDGMENTAL WHITE-KNIGHT SJW INTERNET POLICE."
You're absolutely right. Next time I think about simply lurking, I'll follow your lead and give generic advice and lash out with judgmental criticisms when they don't kiss my feet and validate my hero complex. Also, as shocking as it may be, this isn't the only account I've made. I have my fair share of responses (judgment/criticism-free!) in this sub and at /r/Suicidewatch. I came across this old thread and felt compelled to respond to your invitation for criticism. And, predictably, you didn't take it well. Do you call everyone who strongly disagrees with your beliefs and "help" tactics "white-knight SJW's"? Christ...