I'm technically atheist in that I'm without theism. I don't think the concept of a higher power makes sense because it's hierarchical which is silly. The universe at the smallest point is equal across the board. The only thing that makes anything different is our observation of the supposed differences.

With that being said, I think both science and religion are wrong about everything. I won't get into it as it makes no difference.

The religious feel a false sense of security because they hide behind gods that they think give them power and authority over themselves and others, in this life and the next. That's great for building community and reducing depression in times of crisis.

Science oriented people also hide behind institutions and studies(which many times are just corporate doctrine that has little to do with truth). It gives them authority over themselves and others, in this life and after death. It's great for building a community and reducing depression in times of crisis.

Then there are the poor saps like yourself that haven't realized what the key to the game is. It's not about what you believe or don't believe. It's about being a part of the club, whatever that club is.

Your failure is made around your inability to socialize and connect to people. You actually don't even need to believe in anything. All paths end in the same destination anyway.