Things have been very strange lately. I have never been changed so much, and experienced so much emotion in my life.

I met my first crush in university. She was my classmate / groupmate in university. At first, I did not think much about her. She was a friend and a classmate. However, circumstances changed after a particular event. One day, I was visibly cranky due to stress from work and other stuff. She noticed and asked if she could be a listener. At that moment, I was stunned. Never have I been asked that question; never have I been cared. I was extremely touched by her gesture.

Since that day, my feeling for her grew stronger and stronger. I then discovered much great quality about her. I then discovered her beauty. I then discovered the feeling is mutual... at least that was what I thought I gathered my courage; I asked her out; Like Icarus, I was burnt and fell to the ground. It turns out that she has a boyfriend. She cannot go out with me. She said, if the circumstances were different, she would have loved to. I do not know how trust is the second half of the statement. Anyway, because of that, things were a bit awkward between us.

She and I were distanced because of my confession, and because of the summer break. Although our relationship was not exactly fruitful, I learnt much from her. I started going to gym; I started joining meetup event to meet people. I started enjoying socializing with people. Because of her, I become a better person.

Currently I am still single. I go to gym weekday and play sports in the weekend. Playing computer game is no longer my only hobby. I love trying new things. School started on this September and we are classmate and groupmate once again. I play sports every other weekend with her. We are friends but nothing more.

To be honest, chances are that this will be the end of the story, but sometimes I wonder to myself if the circumstances will ever change. Will I ever meet someone like her? Will I be lonely forever? Does she ever like me? We will be a good match? I don't think I will ever have answer to these questions.

Sometimes when I looked at her, the loneliness will bite into my heart like a vile serpent, and yet, I think she was the best thing that happened in my life. Currently I have never been happier, and yet I have never been lonelier in my life.

I have not taked with anyone about this except my therapist. I thank you for the chances to let me vent in this thread.