Late to this, not sure how to contribute. I'm not the friend that's trying to help. More so the friend that needs it but doesn't know what exactly he needs. I have a job now that I love, but crippling debt that is killing me each payday. I have two dogs and my "gf" isn't actually that. We are just friends living together because of my mistakes and I know I need to leave but need to get out of that debt hellhole before that is even an option.

I'm 34 and want children but she doesn't. I need to stop drinking. I need to lose weight. I need a vacation badly. I just need to relax. But I also want to finally meet someone that I can be myself with and maybe finally raise a family in what's left of this world. But then I think about the environment, how things might be for the next few generations and I think it's probably not best to bring someone into this world. But then what is my purpose.

My best friends have children. I don't hang out with them. I have no local or local time zone gaming friends but I still stream and for 5 years I made videos. I want to be left alone but I also want all the attention. I get social anxiety, I can't sleep if I don't drink. I try to hide it all inside and I'm not suicidal at all, so at least I've got that going for me.

I'm really just tired and need a break, I need a vacation that I can't afford to just sit somewhere with a lake or ocean view and do nothing. That might help for a bit.

To get on subject. How can my friends help me. That's the problem. They don't know I'm depressed.