I think it stems from the fact that we each have expectations of how it's going to be and when the reality is different it causes conflict. Add in sleep deprivation, added responsibility, increased expenses, and possible depression --- it's the perfect storm.

Before having children, I had this vision in my head that hubby would step up, help with baby, help with chores, do some shopping --- essentially be what I needed him to be.

Baby is born and will not stop crying, I had some delivery related medical issues and required some assistance, and hubby expected to have the freedom and free time he had before. It was eye opening to see that he didn't step up and wasn't the man I thought he would be. He didn't fullfil or live up to my vision.

He helped with baby -- I won't say he didn't -- but it wasn't nearly enough and he would only do the fun stuff

Chores --- nope

Grocery shopping --- complained and whined, if he did do it -- what would typically take me 15 minutes would take him over an hour

When I needed moderate help after delivery --- he made me feel like a burden and what he did do didn't feel like it came from a place of love but from a place of frustration and anger/aggravation/obligation

Sunday would roll around and he fully expected not to be bothered at all so he could watch football. From the point that he woke up to the point that he would decide to go to sleep --- he wanted to be left alone for football. He saw nothing wrong with that expectation, would not agree to give me the same amount of time off in a different day. No compromise.

It was exhausting, frustrating, and eye opening to understand that what I thought was going to happen (before baby) was nowhere near the reality of what did happen.

I had many conversations with him. He eventually made adjustments and so did I.

Did he ever step up to the level I expected or needed? No, not even close

Can you make adjustments and understand that your expectations aren't his expectations? Yes

Ultimately, ask yourself if you still want to be married to this person?

Knowing what you know, would you want to have more children with this person?

Can the two of you make enough adjustments to make it work?

Having children is hard. If there are issues or cracks in the marriage -- the stress of having children makes it more obvious and harder to ignore.

Therapy can help if both people are willing to put forth the effort and actually do the work.