Hey I can relate with you and much of what you said: down to having that 4-year hiatus to be alone and outside of a relationship. And then having that relationship you “prepared for” collapse.

I think you should realize that life doesn’t always go as you plan. I thought I’d be married by now but I realized as well that I’m glad I’m not married yet. Relationships help you realize many things about yourself and I hope you found valuable lessons in your last one.

What I find meaning in my life now is finding my purpose outside of a relationship. In the past year or so, I narrowed down a career path that I always wanted to pursue but never had the courage to do so because “I have to be practical first” or “I need to make money” or “this is what a real job looks like” or “that’s a pipe dream and I don’t know if I can make it in that field”.

You need to do something similar. Find meaning and purpose in your life that doesn’t revolve around an attachment to someone or being in a relationship. This doesn’t mean shutting yourself out of dating forever. Just for the time being, especially because you just got out of a relationship. Heartbreak is usually a catalyst for personal growth.

And it doesn’t have to be about your career. It could be your identity as a child to your parents or as a sibling or as a good friend. You might be a talented musician or writer or anything creative. You might have a hobby that you’re really good at and you can set short term goals, like joining or winning a tournament or running a marathon.

Over time, you’ll find yourself enjoying life and finding happiness from within. You’ll go online dating or meeting new people through your hobbies and find that you’re ready to date again, but this time you’re whole and happy and more grown as a person.