How do I encourage my gf?

If this is new to her, the best way to do it is to let her go at her own pace in terms of adding activities or kinks to your sex lives because she doesn’t know that side of herself very well yet. If she is trying to take on a role to fit herself into using language or activities that you specifically want, it may not feel genuine to her and instead come off awkward.

So what does that look like in terms for practical advice on things to do?

1)she’s in a relationship with you and loves you and you want to show her nothing will change? So don’t change too much outside of the bedroom for right now. That will be reassuring. More than repeating the phrase you already told her would. I was where she was about five years ago with my boyfriend and my main concern was that he was going to change now.

2)The next time you two are making out or she slaps your ass (if she does that) or you’re having sex, find something you can say that makes it clear you found what she did dominant and hot. So she understands femdom doesn’t mean she has to dress in latex outfits and hit you with a riding crop while you’re wearing a bridle. You two are still going to be you two and it doesn’t have to be rushed or feel like role playing in a play. I suggest something as simple as she’s on top and you groaning into her ear, “I love being under you” or “I love when youre on top of me because it makes me feel like you’re where you belong.” If she ever gets her nails in your skin tell her you love the pain if you’d like too. Just not too much all at once. You want to reassure her and nurture her interest and comfort here too. And that needs to happen over time. The next day, I would reinforce how the thing you commented on made you feel. Women like talking about feelings especially in terms of how something during a scene or sex made you feel. Learning how to make genuine low groans or moans will also help. Be like her and go slow with that too.

Hopefully this will spark some interest on her end. To 3) talk about the dominant role more or to purchase some bdsm books to read through. I would never recommend watching femdom porn together though. I think that is a misstep because the male gaze things in porn is most often (some exceptions) not what women find hot about femdom. Depending on the woman and how new she is to femdom, it could actually turn her off to the idea IMO. Reading the scripts on the audible gone wild subs (“f4m femdom script offer” in the search field on Reddit) will help her for dirty talk ideas. Again, it takes time to absorb all of this and make it apart of your. And there’s so much to sift through is the main problem. Maybe she does NOT like this femdom kink but is really into that one. Like needles in a haystack sometimes to find inspiration.

But hopefully her interest is sparked and you two can go shopping at yummy places like thistle and spire or honey Birdette or any number of Etsy shops. We also like shopping lol. That will help make this fun and letting her pick her own things suited to her body type will also help.

4)Lots of sexting and texting about sex and kinks. It’s a great way to casually spend the workday. I do it often with my boyfriend. We won’t “list dump” a bunch of kinks into each other. It’s about five years and the way we do it is we do one thing at a time and lace things together to draw out the whole process of discovering ourselves as a D/s couple. Sexting about it today, talking about into each other’s ears during vanilla sex, teasing it, then trying it a little one day, again maybe the next week, etc. This way it’s a long hot process and not a flash bang of information overload.

Let’s see. Other advice would be to look up the term sub frenzy and to keep that in check as best you can. Remember that when you two do start doing scenes together, both of you will have to be ready to give each other aftercare not only that night but expect the lows and drops to continue into the days afterward sometimes. Also while I don’t think you two should info dump a list of kinks onto each other, you should have an informed discussion at some point about hard limits for both of you and respect those.

I would definitely suggest preparing for a possibility that your styles or kinks may not be exactly shared. And that’s ok. You’ll get through it and still be amazing together if you’re amazing now. Because you two are still you two.

And do checkins. It’s possible she will love all of this. And it’s possible she won’t. As you go along it will be easy to see if this is a genuine interest or if she’s a people pleaser doing her thing for her people.

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