Phew, this is quite the post. I know a lot of Dommes are reacting defensively, probably because this post clearly contains a lot of frustration, but the points you make aren't totally without merit so I'm gonna try and respond to it as openly and with as much understanding as possible.

I just wanna start off by saying your frustration is totally valid. Findoms, most of them, make me sick. Pro Dommes aren't my thing either but hey, to each their own. I think a lot of the trouble you're having comes from an influx of non-serious Dommes popping up online due (probably?) to poor representation of the lifestyle in the media. The bane of our existence, I know. "Bonding" on Netflix comes to mind. Vanilla people get a shallow, commercialized exposure to what the lifestyle means and they go, "hey, I could do that! I need money!", And they make an account somewhere and start demanding tribute from any male who contacts them. It's gross, shallow, whatever... But even so, it's not my place to judge what people wanna do. The only thing I do judge is people who aren't up front about it from the get go. Communication and consent is paramount to any relationship- vanilla, kink, romantic, platonic- and people who try and "slip" their true desires under the radar, "hook" people in, or otherwise manipulate others into what they wanna do are deplorable in my eyes.

I really think this is a human issue rather than a male/female, Dom/sub thing. It's an issue of people lacking empathy and regard for their fellow human being. Of a failure to recognize others as equal, thinking creatures deserving of respect and care. It doesn't matter your gender, sex, status, or role, everyone deserves basic respect and honest representation. I think we all experience the pain of this issue in one form or another. Male subs are commodified and siphoned of money. Female subs are objectified and not regarded for anything besides their sex and body. Female Dommes are treated as mindless kink dispensers. Male Doms are treated as impervious islands, overflowing with resources (money) and never requiring reciprocal care. Even outside the lifestyle- bosses disregard their subordinates. Peers look down upon peers. It's all the same thing. And yeah, it sucks. It sucks for everyone. But the solution isn't to get jaded or to start placing blame. That just makes everyone defensive.

"Well, I only started doing that because people did it to me!" they say, "I have to protect myself out there!" And yeah, maybe you do. But if we want to change how we interact with one another, we also need to take a breath, and take a step back, and try to understand where other people are coming from. Not everyone is worth your energy in this regard. Vapid money-hungry findommes who call men paypigs (phew... Okay breathe...) They arent your responsibility to change. But don't allow yourself to start painting with broad strokes and potentially wall yourself off from seeing that one genuine person you might meet one day. Understand that human experiences are more similar than they are different. We all suffer, and at one time or another, we all cause others to suffer too. You've been there, I've been there. Let's help each other through it.

Besides all the philosophical generalities I just spewed, the only practical advice I have is to never give up. Good Dommes do exist. Just like good male subs exist. Many times it is a misstep in communication, both parties are good people, and they simply want different things. Keep searching, keep opening yourself. Take a step back and take a break from it if you begin feeling hopeless. Take care of yourself, too. Then, come back to it later. These things can't be rushed.