You dirty dog. It's tough to explain, but I'll try.

I'm going to start with the sex itself, because it's a great metaphor for understand a specific woman's sexuality.

Great sex is about locking into the other person's rhythm, and getting lost in the experience together. I feel like a lot of men feel like sex is a performance. They try to do a sequence of foreplay and technique that they think is going to result in making the woman cum, and if she doesn't cum then all is lost and you're shit in bed. This is missing the point of sex, sex is not something you do to someone is something you do with someone. Sex is a duality, a dance. There is not a performer and an audience, there is a giver and a receiver. The giver is the one leading physically, and the receiver is the one instructing the giver where to go, and inspiring the giver to give more. If you're the one who typically initiates, you have to recognize her as a receiver, as a part of this dance you're doing together. If you really listen to the signals she gives you with her body language, she will tell you how she wants to be kissed, undressed, how she wants her nipples sucked or your fingers in her pussy. She will tell you everything, if you listen.

If you do this from the first moments you start touching her, you will both lock into a kind of trance with each other. This is where the magic happens. When you really start to lock into someone's rhythm, your mind will start to go blank, it's like a co-operative flow state. Everything you do feels like it comes from nowhere. There's no thoughts about whether you should be doing this for longer or whether it's too hard or too slow. You don't think about these things because you already know them, she is telling you by the way she is responding. At the same time though, you have to be able to take the other role. You need to be able to instruct her on how you want to be fucked with the way you sound and move. This is a tough thing for a lot of guys because a large majority of our sexual development is spent masturbating, and you are typically very quiet and still (dominant hand excluded) while masturbating. It's a tough habit to break, but it's important, she needs to have that feedback or she's going to worry that she's not doing something right and not be able to lose herself in the experience.

In the same way, when you're learning about someone's sexuality or enabling them to express it, there needs to be this give and take between giver and receiver. If you are expressing your sexuality to her, you need to do it in a way that she is ready to receive. At the same time, you need to be receptive of her sexuality when and how she chooses to express it. Most women have a healthy desire for sex, but because of the mixed messages we get bombarded with growing up, have complex feelings about expressing it. You don't want to seem like a slut but you also don't want to be seen as a prude either. Each will have their own way of expressing their sexual intent, and you need to be attentive to that and respond when she does. You have to try to match your desire with hers, and she will open up to you.