I experienced a heavy dose of trauma in my early childhood, and then got into some trouble as an adolescent. After my second run in with the law at 15, my ego solidified into something that I felt would keep me out of trouble. My elders respected me and were surprised by my miraculous turn around, and in hindsight, although it was a massive leap for me at the time, it stunted my growth emotionally in the long term, enabling me to stay nestled in my 'safe' perception of the world.

Then, after several failed long term relationships as a young adult, I started dabbling in psychedelics. I originally did it to help my creative process as a musician, and wound up finding myself in a state of unconscionable confusion. A bad trip threw me into the realization that there is no objective reality, the world is a projection of ourselves. The absurdity of the world was all I could see for years. It was too much to handle, I knew the silver lining was there, but I couldn't find my groove within it.

I quit my job. I was homeless for a minute. I moved halfway across the country. And I wrote countless songs. I felt stupid, I was embarrassed that I had gotten so far in life without seeing what I could now so easily see. All my past experiences flashed through my mind and I would shudder at the way I treated people from the safety of my selfish little bubble. I ran from the guilt of my past self for years, and only recently was able to let go.

Now, about 6 and a half years later, I'm very comfortable with my flaws and the work required to overcome them. My experience of discovering empathy after the fact has also given me the ability to forgive in a way I never could before, and look at other people's perspectives in an increasingly effective way. I'm nowhere near perfect, but I'm finally able to admit it to myself and others.