I think it’s hard to hear your partner talk so much about other women, and hardly compliment you. It hurts. It probably hurt even more too because you probably didn’t recognize your partner in how they were acting and what they were saying, because that’s not how he portrays himself to you. It’s kinda gross to think of a man being a perfect gentlemen to your face and then the mask comes off when you’re not there. If I knew my husband was at work all day and was only talking about the appearance of other women and checking out other women all the time I would be devastated and I would find the behaviour obsessive. Especially if he was saying he wish he could chase her or have her, but can’t cause he has a wife at home. And especially since my husband hasn’t given me the idea he works with anyone he’s attracted to, it would be a shock really. Notice beauty all you want, but I’ve never had the thought, I wish I was single so I could be with this other dude and I certainly don’t talk about it at work all day holy crap.

If he’s in recovery I really think the goal isn’t to eliminate noticing attractive people - for some, it really can’t be helped, even when I go run an errand, I see the people I walk passed, sometimes an oh she’s pretty or oh he’s cute thought pops to my head, but then it’s over, l don’t take things to the next level which is what recovery work prevents. Are you obsessing? Are you fantasizing etc. These are things that need to be checked. It’s like when you’re watching a stream and stick floats by, oh I see a stick and by the time you notice it, it’s floated away and out of your sight and it’s gone. You see it and goodbye. You certainly don’t spend your entire work day feeding into it.