Let me add you to the complaint list. All 10 of them. Next to the list of 3000 thank-yous. Your voice is heard, but you need to listen as well, because the voices 11,000 strong on this sub, and Millions strong across the world who suffer as you and I do, are more right then wrong. And they agree with me.
Yes, I am very tough to take, Deliberately. The SOs have heard enough BS to drown in. When they get here they believe in a fantasy that just doesn't exist and here, we don't let that stand, not if I can help it.
The sober addicts who belong to this sub think we have it goin' on to such a high level, they send other addicts here for me and those of us who are long term survivors to straighten them up. Why? Because We don't want to hear their whining, crying and excuses. I want results, and when I don't see them with my own beady little eyes, I call out their BS for everyone to see and learn from, including the addict themselves.
As an SO, I have been thru the War and survived. But the scars I carry are there because of my ignorance, my unwillingness to see what my reality was, and my determination to wallow in my suffering once I did finally figure out where help could be found.
When in using a CSAT at the beginning the goal is for each to have their own. Each person is dealing with their own issues privately. The goal is to get to disclosure. Disclosure is when the addict lays all the cards on the table and admits everything. The SO gets their chance to ask questions. This is a very controlled environment in order to keep the emotional damage to a minimum.
Usually the test is administered before the disclosure because the addicts CSAT will be in attendance and will know if the addict isn't being forthcoming during disclosure and will stop the session if the addict isn't cooperating.
I personally know from experience this is the best way for an SO to either find closure and start again, or make other choices necessary for their future. I chose to stay.
No I am not God, But as those who come back after leaving because I wasn't "nice" tell me, "I wish I had listened to you the first time, can you please help me now"?
By the way if you really want to dig into the liar concept, here is my link for that, I am sure you will see things you hadn't realized you had been experiencing all these years.
What has the addict been doing to me?
https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/dtmm0p/what_is_lieing_manipulation_and_gaslighting/