I have 2 cats (a female cat 'FC', and a male cat 'MC')
-FC I never did this before because you couldn't understand but from now on if you could shit outside rather than the litter tray or I am with holding treats
-MC the black bowl is your bowl, not the red one. It's been nealry 4 years, come on.
-Sometimes we buy cat ornaments just because we know it blows your mind.
-FC if the salmon is good enough for us, it's good enough for you. Once these 30 mins are over I'm gonna show you some videos of homeless cats so you can see how lucky you are to be getting a food, let a lone salmon. Posh tart.
-We don't let you out the front door because our previous cat got run over after going out the front door, so please stop trying.
-We take you to the vets because we love you, not because we want to see you suffer
The dead / half dead animals. MC, I know you mean well, but please leave them outside. Try looking for cash. They are paper but, FC, they are not leaves.
I don't like it when you have to go to the cattery either
Speaking of catteries, do you not like the car or is that you just don't like where the car takes you. Because taking you on a road trip would be great.
You aren't allowed to sleep with us because you are hairy, not because we don't love you.
What home improvements would you like to see?
What flavours of food do you prefer?
Lets establish a means of communication once these 30 mins are over