Feeling like you're the common denominator for the disfunction of other's lives is almost inevitable if you think about it. Most people have some sort of disorder in their lives, and you can only really observe it if you are close to them, therefore it's easy to make the assumption that you cause those you are familiar with problems. I am obviously oblivious to most of your story, but don't discard the idea that the cause of the 'mess' you discussed isn't necessarily you. As of the feeling that no-one understands you, please PM me and I will listen try my best to. I am doubting myself all the time also, but what helps me to feel better about my worth is that a world without me would undoubtedly be worse than one with me. I can't see my potential right now, but the idea that it's there comforts me. To make it clear: ending your life would undoubtedly not benefit anyone or anything. If not current you, future you has the ability to do something special that will have a big impact, and denying future you that right would be a waste of potential. I know saying this is kind of stupid, as one of the things depression errodes is the desire for a future, but I know from experience that your position will change, and you should keep persevering for now. Again, please PM me if you want, I would be happy to listen to whatever you want to say.