"If you sleep with him on the first date, he won't respect you and you'll ruin your chances at establishing a long term relationship"

I'm gonna put out an unpopular opinion here, which I guess is anti-third wave and sex-negative. But fuck it, some girls need to hear it. The "respect" makes little sense to me but otherwise, and in things other than sex: <b>If you're goal is traditional, use tradition.</b>.

Traditions and mores were developed over thousands of years and hundreds of millions of relationships. Those sexual rules work. You cannot reason them out, you will never be doing justice to complicated mechanics of romantic relationships.

So, I can answer all you're list of stuff about it, and I will below, but understand beforehand that the argument doesn't matter. We can never do justice to how complicated relationships are. The rules were formed by being tried by hundreds of millions of people, and working.

So, why, assuming you want a long-term monagamous relationship, should you not have sex on the first date? It's a discriminator that gives you the very valuable information about a guy early, so you don't waste too much time on guys who aren't serious and appreciate the non-sexual aspects of a relationship. If a guy is sitting there on date number five, not knowing if he is ever going to get laid, still putting his money on the table, you know for certain he values you beyond sex.

I've seen the opposite too much. I've known too many dreamchasing women who think because a guy comes back for seconds that they are actually emotionally committed. I'm old, I've seen girls dreamchase for decades and lose their chance of a marriage with children. ("I'm picky", they said, never going near the kind of guy that was serious. )

So, you're concerns in order:

  1. I don't most people with my attitude suggest using sex as a carrot. I certainly don't. Just put sex aside and create a normal emotional relationship. It will send shallow guys running.

  2. Men are horny and will have sex with you. Women can find a willing sex partner much easier. (Does someone actually disagree with this? If not look at the stats on virginity, or just open your eyes once in a while.)

  3. It is admirable when a person puts aside short-term pleasure in pursuit of a long-term goal that helps us all. All those girls who make a go through the traditional steps want to fuck, too. It's actually admirable. Stable, committed, long-terms relations are difficult to create, and amazing for children fortunate enough to grow up in them. They are good for a whole society.

  4. Men and women are different, biologically and as a result, socially. It would be ridiculous to have the same social rules for both. Proof: It is simpler to have one set of rules and yet no society does. (Social roles do seem to be converging, but we will all be long dead before they do.)

  5. If by "disrespect" you mean "leave", guys have what they are looking for. If you hate guys who admire women who want to get a know a guy better and some commitment first, well it's your perogative, but it's in a serious guys interest to know the sexual attitude of a woman he is interested in. Trying to seduce a woman and seeing what happens is a cheap and efficient way to do this.

/r/TwoXChromosomes Thread