You can all judge as much as you want, but if none of you have ever been addicted to benzos (or opiates since the withdrawals are so similar) then you cant understand what youre saying when you tell me i need to stop. Its not that easy at all. Im terrified of withdrawing from a drug ive been taking occasionally since i was a kid, and excessively in the passt 6 months. The last time i tried to quit i literally thought i was going to go crazy.

Seizures

Nausea

Fever

Insomnia

Then vivid night terrors when i do manage to sleep

Delusions (i cant even begin to describe this because its the worst part. I cant tell dreams from delusion from reality. I have false memories that i cant tell really happened or not, do you haveany idea the amount of stress that causes when youre also suffering from amplified and only recently uninhibited anxiety.)

no appetite

hearing things that arent there (no not voices, its just always a sound that usually leads to more stress. Like thinking the floor creaked from a footstep, or when im taking off my clothes and think hear something hit the floor and be so sure i heard it, or thinking my phone vibrated, or that someone murmured my name incoherently. It might sound petty but in addition to everything else its hell.)

feeling inexplicably weak, while also in pain

constipation + diarrhea (i know it sounds contradicting but its the best way i can describe it

Vertigo

Twitches

Dry mouth

Dehydration

Disorientation/dizziness

My sight will randomly get blurred right in my center of vision if that makes sense, i dont even know what thats called but its usually paired with frequent bloodrushes that make me unable to move about freely.

Bloodrushes^{^}

Ataxia (only know what its called because my mom commented on it when she was getting off xanax)

inability to speak clearly (in addition to the delusions/agitation/ and everything else it makes communicating whats happening or how i feel extremely difficult)

Headaches... SPLITTING headaches that no amount of medicine will make go away (unless the medicine is xanax)

hypoventilation (If you dont know the difference its the opposite of hyperventilation)

anxiety like you have never experienced

explainable urges to be violent

Depression (obviously)

Generally nervous

Amnesia in a sense since when im sober i tend to try to think back on the last few months but its almost impossible since i either cant remember or cant tell reality from delusion.

My mind just wont work right, i cant form thoughts in the way that i know i should be able to, it makes coping with all of this impossible

Hysteria

Breathing feels labored, or short ALL the time

and to top it off runny nose.

I know some of these might sound unbelievable or petty but theyre very real and all added together create a living hell. Also keep in mind that these are just the symptoms that i can personally identify, there could be a ton of things going wrong with my body that i dont know about or cant recognize. And in the end i dont even want to stop, how can i go through that with the strength needed, when i have no desire to?

Im not looking for sympathy, i only wanted my question answered, but the replies im getting seem really naive. If one of you can honestly tell me that youve kicked xanax when you actually have a dependance, enough to experience some of these things, then you cant understandwhat the hell youre saying. Again thanks for replies, with the exception of the people who sounded incredibly condescending.