Please read all of this. There is a lot and while you might not find some helpful the rest might be.
A very dear friend of mine is going through the same thing with her husband. While I know you don’t want to hear it, you are most likely, creating a much bigger problem. Most experts will agree that a strong healthy marriage and relationship is based off of mutual respect and trust.
As a husband it is your responsibility to assist in cultivating those qualities. Part of that is to ensure that your wife feels loved, beautiful and cared for. That is very hard to do when you are implying/telling her that she is/might become unattractive to you. Especially for a woman who is constantly battered by the media and public telling her what the perfect wife/woman is and should be. Her husband should be her safe haven from the constant “not-good-enoughs”.
My friend is a beautiful woman, I’ve worked with her in the past and she never realized how many men would come into our work and hit on her. Part of this was because she doesn’t see herself as attractive and this is rooted in her husband (possibly believing he is “helping”) bringing up her weight, the style of her hair etc. I can see the defeat written on her face when such things happen. She works full time, keeps a very tight house, cooks diner close to every night and packs him lunch everyday and on top of that, she takes care of herself. She is, in all senses of the word a great “wife”. She cares not only for him, but for his family and friends. Everything she does is grounded in making him happy and in his comments (unaware as he maybe) he debases that. It’s evident, she battles with food, to her, it is almost an enemy. Every time she eats she feels guilty, she skips meals etc. To any person, it is obvious this is unhealthy to her psyche. What her husband doesn’t realize, is that in his quest for the perfect “wife” with the perfect “body” he is missing out on the perfect lover, companion, friend, and soulmate.
Looks are not permanent. Accidents happen and people age. But mental scars are forever. Imagine if she were to find this post about her? You would be crippling what little self-esteem you claim she has. Not only that, but it is disrespectful to make such things public and you are breaking a level of trust within your relationship you might never get back. Even further if the post was meant for her to find, realize that you are borderline bullying. Do you think for someone who is a stress eater, as your post implies, this helps in the slightest? Rather then attacking, you would find greater success in support and encouragement. Best example;
Imagine you had difficulty pleasing your wife. Maybe you have low libido, maybe you haven’t quite mastered the whole cunnilingus or clitoris thing.. whatever. Think about if she were to tell you weren’t very good. How motivated would you feel to try again? To get better? It would be hard wouldn’t it? You’re pride would be hurt. After all it is one of your duties as a husband to satisfy her as it is her you. Most men would give up, shut down. However, what if instead she approached it encouragingly. What if she supported you and was patient and let you know that it takes time, it’s a learning process and that she loves you deeply regardless. How different would you feel then? It’s a huge jump, and one you’re missing in how you are interacting with your wife.
The best example I can find to elaborate on my point (as I might not be explaining it well) is this quote:
“My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. She has lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon ... But then I decided to act on it. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. She is the ideal of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders. I began to pepper her with flowers, kisses and complements. I surprised her and pleased every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe, but she has blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.
And then I realized one thing: ‘The woman is the reflection of her man’”
A lot of people don’t realize what a resounding impact they’re words and actions have of their significant others. While constantly bringing up her weight (and in his case arguing or shaming her for her habits) you are breaking down the fundamentals of respect and trust and while you might see the short term results you are looking for (lost weight) your relationship will suffer in the long run. If instead you focus on encouragement, building each other up, not only will she be happier, you will be happier, and over time you might see the effects you are looking for.
If, this isn’t enough for you. Scientifically; Studies have proven that depression, low self esteem and the like contribute to your body hoarding calories it would not otherwise. So in essence you are basically adding fuel to a fire you claim to want to put out.
“Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, THOUGHFULNESS, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and wife.” - David Willis
I would like to assume, that your post implies, that you are genuinely concerned for you wife and want to cultivate that lasting relationship. So, to answer your question, LOVE, the rest will follow.
Also, get a dog, bitches love dogs.