Well you know what you do and don't want, without stating too much of the obvious, really it's just gonna be a matter of coming across the right person who respects your desires and wishes. If you want to meet people on the terms of limited use of online dating, go to the events of things you enjoy, if there's a place that has an open board game night check it out, etc etc.

As someone who's actively used online dating stuff(mostly okcupid) for around 5-6 years, there's generally a lot of garbage you gotta dig through to actually find someone decent. I can easily understand your reluctance to give it a go especially with knowing trial and error is pretty common.

I totally see where you're coming from, especially with being out of the dating game for quite some time. I'll be frank, it can be a bit of a weird process at this age for a number of reasons.

In my experiences I've noticed a lot of people in some major frenzy to quickly settle down as they endlessly stack themselves to people in their friend group who are married with kids. I really hate using bogus stereotypes to project realities, but more times than not I've had dates with people who're tired of constantly being a bridesmaid.

It's also a bit of a weird wake up call when you encounter people who have their shit together in the department of having a stable income, housing, etc but never really matured past a dumbass college student mindset when it comes to connecting with people.

The other reality is late 20s, it's not totally uncommon to encounter people who've been married already or possibly have a kid and other baggage. I've had plenty of friends go out on dates with guys who have a laundry list of serious previous baggage and end up lying about it or downplaying it.

As I said, it's gonna be a little weird especially since you haven't really been in it for a pretty sizable time.

Lastly as much as I'm a fan of Fetlife and it does a lot of good, it's not really a place to look for dates or treat like a dating app. Don't get me wrong, people totally can form something together off it in that kind of fashion, but there's a abundance of creeps on it who are just looking for sex and have no attachment to kink or BDSM community.

It's a better tool for looking up local events and keeping in touch with community people than trying to cold call and look for a date. Especially since not many people have their profile focus on things outside of BDSM.

If you're trying to connect with people on that frequency, check events page for your location and see if there's a munch or event you might dig that can be an opportunity to meet people in an open setting.