I also have two engineering degrees, my first job required me showing why I think I'm a good fit. The next two jobs were recruiters coming onto me explaining why I should work with them with interviews that amounted to me describing my experience and then them selling me on why I should take the job.

Hero.

>Being blunt, you don't have the experience to demand that people throw jobs at you and this enlightened front you're putting up is only justifying your desire to not change how you spent 34 years of your life.

Thats right, im just giving excuses. I know.

>Hypothetically, what would you do if your parents could no longer support you?

You are asking me honestly? If thats the case right now, i have 2 immediate options. Accept the reality and take the long sleep. Or do something desperate like joining the french foreign legion, which will probably result in my taking the long sleep too.

The last time i applied for jobs was years ago. It was absolutely useless. I send them emails with my cv, my portfolio, call them the same day, the day after. 100's of contacts. Nothing. It was not only a waste time, it was just destroying my selfesteem.

So i ended working in a bar. But most people working there were drug addicts and what not. I didnt also want to end up like that you know...

So at what point is it enough? I dont know. But i have been happy for the past years jobless and spending the help money i get only on food. Disconnected myself from social media to have less temptations about consumption too. So i spend less than 100 euros per month, thats nothing. I trained myself to live with nothing and nobody, and im happy.

I have no addictions. So i feel like im fighting that way, you know...Feels like freedom.

I would love to work though. Im not lazy. I only hate to work with toxic people. Its my only condition. The rest is fine.

It just feels weird to me that everyone is so desperate for work, and we are so many. And we are discarded like that. Its like 1 bone to 100 dogs. At what point do you say its no longer worth it? Or is it always a question of who is willing to do more to survive and get ahead of the other sucker who could not? I think that also will backfire. But i digress...

>I've done a lot of drugs, hell living in legal state I still do. I've fucked up a lot, and also did a lot of things right. I did drugs while getting my engineering degrees, slacking off on homework to hang out with my girlfriend (now wife), party and make mistakes

But you got over it. Its a lesson/experience. And now you are great and value what you have. Im on the other side. I didn't do any drugs. The friends i group with all did drugs, i did a lot of graffiti and trains subways (i will ahve to remove this comment for fear of being identified), so to never even touch drugs, which maybe helped later with 3d modelling etc...not bad...

I dont know who exactly started it, but i got angry at my friends, for their lack of initiative, and staying all night and day on the street smoking weed doing nothing. At least lets get drunk, at least we get adrenaline, right? Or lets go paint. I despise drugs so much because that. It fucked them all up, turned them into passive losers (sorry).

But i did ditch those friends and that world, and they turned on me, and i went alone, and then i left my neighborhood, then to go study abroad, left my first girlfriend myself. Then went back to her because couldnt handle it, then finally ditch her completely. It was so drastic, and all at the same time, it was so hard, brother.

Very hard. That was my baptism of fire. I had to choose, and i think i made the right choice. And still it got me nowhere, its so sad. So no good deed goes unpunished, like you Americans say :).

>Honestly partying and being social did more for my development as an engineer than anything in my bachelors or masters. I crush interviews, do great with clients and have persuasion and influence which grew my career rapidly

This resonated with me. I feel like some stupid shit i have done in my life actually emboldened me and made me who i am in the end. Else i dont know.